Needs
by WhatALovelyWitch
Summary: After a tough case, will Castle be able to understand what Beckett needs from him? Winter Hiatus Kink Meme prompt.


**This story was written for the Winter Hiatus Kink Meme on Livejournal. I'll put the prompt at the end, to avoid too many spoilers.**

**I own nothing, of course.**

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It's been a long day, at the end of a long week, and Kate Beckett can't wait to get her paperwork done so she can go home. Every muscle aches and she can already tell that she's going to be moving slower than normal for a few days. Already, her back is sending random twitches and spasms up and down her spine as abused muscles tighten the longer she sits.

Castle is sitting in his chair. Watching her. She's purposely avoiding looking at him because she knows she can't handle the look of concern he's wearing. This is the first time she's been actually injured, beyond a few scrapes and bruises, since they became a couple, and she's not sure if he'll understand her usual method for dealing with these situations. Although, if he takes the time to think about it, he might not be that surprised.

She knows that his response is going to be a desire to comfort and take care of her. He'll want to run her a bath, then make sure she's fed and dosed with pain killers before dressing her in his clothes and putting her to bed under a pile of blankets. It already took nearly twenty minutes of arguing to convince him that she didn't need to go to the hospital, and that was after the EMT had checked her over and declared her fine, if bruised. It took her calling Lanie, and handing the phone over to an amused EMT to explain each of her injuries, and then handing the phone to Castle for Lanie to give her professional opinion, before he would reluctantly agree that all she needed was ice, aspirin, and rest.

Now, it's two hours later and Kate almost wishes he'd go home. Almost. In reality, she has plans that she would much rather he be involved in, just as soon as she finishes this last form. She would much rather those not take place at the loft. She just doesn't think she can handle Martha's concern, in addition to Castle's, in her current state. She's not sure she can fend them both off, and she really does not want to explain the nature of this particular coping mechanism to her boyfriend's mother. She's not even sure she wants to explain it to her boyfriend.

Lanie knows, but only because of a drunken night of girl-talk several years before, and she could almost hear her friend's smirk when she called her, earlier. She never talked about it with Demming, but she's pretty sure he understood the one and only time it happened while they were together. Royce knew, but he was the first one who saw and understood what she needed. Josh never knew, because she couldn't face his doctor's concern, and she knows she'll tell Castle that because she knows he's still occasionally jealous of the place Josh held in her life. There have been one or two boyfriends over the years who helped her cope with the reality of how dangerous her job can be, but she always refused to explain and ended things as soon as they tried to press for answers.

It sometimes still surprises her that there are still things Castle doesn't know about her. They've been partners for so long, and been through so much together, that she forgets that they've only been a couple for a few months. She's lost count of the number of times she's almost asked for his help, over the years. More than once, she's gotten as far as opening her mouth to speak, before changing her mind at the last moment. She was never ready, before, but she knows she is, now. She just hopes he'll understand, because she doesn't think she can explain, right now. Maybe in the morning, or even in several hours, but for right now she just knows what she needs and desperately hopes he'll be willing to wait for answers.

She finishes the last form, closes and locks everything down, and stands stiffly, all without looking at Castle. When he helps her with her coat, she mumbles a thanks and tries to hide the way she twitches when he places his hand on her lower back to guide her to the elevator. She can sense his worry and confusion when she avoids all contact, never meets his gaze, and remains silent all the way to the car.

He opens her door and leans in for a kiss when she gets in, and she mentally kicks herself at the hurt she sees when she turns her head. After lowering herself carefully behind the wheel, she looks up and nods toward the passenger side. Either he sees something in her expression, or the gesture is enough to reassure him, because he smiles brightly and almost runs around the car. She waits until he's buckling his seat belt before reaching over and squeezing his knee quickly, then starting the car. "You ok with going to my place? I just...need us to be alone, tonight."

For a moment, the look of love and gratitude on his face makes her physically ache. Then, the look is replaced by a flash of hurt, which is rapidly followed by understanding, when she removes the hand that lands on her thigh. She's pretty sure he doesn't understand, not yet, but he will soon. First, they have to get back to her apartment, then she'll make sure he understands exactly what she needs. She just needs to survive this drive without snapping, and him touching her will not help.

They're silent for the rest of the trip to her apartment. As soon as the door closes behind them, she stops in the middle of the entryway and closes her eyes to take a couple deep breaths. His hands sliding her coat from her shoulders makes her shudder, and he quickly drops it on the floor and carefully wraps his arms around her from behind, cooing meaningless sounds of comfort in her ear. Quickly losing any lingering grip on her control, she takes one more deep breath before turning in his arms.

Keeping her head down, Kate starts unbuttoning his shirt as slowly as possible. After the second button is undone, he tries to tilt her head up to look at him, but she moves to suck his finger into her mouth instead, and keeps working on his shirt. Next, he tries to pull her closer, and wrap her in a hug, but she takes a step back and starts working on her own shirt. She kicks her shoes off and her pants follow her shirt as he stands there watching in confusion. When she steps back and starts on his pants, he stills her hands and starts leading her toward her bedroom. "Come on, let's get you in a warm bath so you can relax, then I'll take care of you, ok?"

Pulling him to a halt, she steps close, looking up at the same time she shoves her hand down his half-opened pants. "No, Castle, it's not ok. This will go one of two ways. Either you fuck me, or I dig out one of those toys I haven't needed to use in several months, and fuck myself."

For a moment, she thinks he's going to give in, then he shakes his head and takes a step back, pulling her hand out of his pants. "Hey, I understand. You need to feel close, to remind yourself that we're ok, but I don't want to hurt you. Why don't you take a bath and a couple aspirin, and if we're really careful, we can make love. I don't want to hurt you, Kate, and you're already covered in bruises. Just, let me take care of you."

His completely clueless smile almost makes her angry, but she takes a deep breath and reminds herself that he loves her. So, instead, she grabs his hand and leads him to her room. Removing her few remaining clothes, she carefully finishes undressing him, dropping to her knees to help him out of his shoes and socks. By the time her mouth closes around him and she starts sucking, he's caught completely off guard and it takes him a long moment to start pushing her away. "Kate. Kate, stop. Come here. Come on, you don't need to do that. Come on, stand up and I'll go run you a bath."

Sitting back on her heels, she looks up and rolls her eyes before pushing herself to her feet stiffly. Walking to her closet, she winces as she pulls a box down off the shelf and drops it on the foot of her bed. After digging for a couple minutes, she selects a couple toys and drops the box on the floor and pushes the lid after. She's spread out in the middle of her bed before he moves, and then it's to lean down and pick up the box. "Papers? The box of your kinky past is labeled 'papers?'"

"Yes, it was the only thing I could think of when I moved to college. I threw some papers and pictures and stuff on top so my parents wouldn't see anything if they opened it, and it just kinda stuck. Besides, the first place a nosey roommate will look is the dresser, but no one thinks to look for sex toys underneath a bunch of photo albums and old class notes. Now, are you going to fuck me, or do I really have to do this myself? I never thought I'd see the day that Richard Castle refused to fuck me." Not bothering to wait for a response, Kate grabbs a small vibrator and turns it on. Watching him watch her, she presses it against her clit, making her hips buck sharply. For several long moments, they watch each other while she teases herself with the vibrator, before she uses her free hand to grab blindly for the dildo she's selected.

As soon as her hand closes around it, Castle lunges forward and pins her wrist to the mattress with his hand. "As much as I would love to let you continue, I need to understand what you want. What do you need from me? You're covered in bruises and I can tell it hurts when you move, and I just don't want to hurt you. Please, explain it to me."

Pulling the vibrator away, she studies his face before nodding and relaxing slightly. "I don't know if I can. Not right now. Just know that I need to be fucked. I just...I need the pain to be from something good. I'm going to feel like I was hit by a truck, in the morning, and I just need some of that to be not from the job. I need it to be from something good. So, can you please just fuck me? I'll even promise to take a bath and let you take care of me, afterward. I just need this, first. I just need to feel good."

Not taking his hand from her wrist, he climbs onto the bed slowly, using his knees to spread her legs further apart as he crawls toward her. When he's kneeling between her knees, he stops and releases her wrist, sitting back on his heels. "Tell me. Tell me what you need me to do. And while you're telling me, I want you to keep using that little vibrator on yourself, because it's the hottest thing I've ever seen." Taking the dildo out of her other hand, he tosses it toward the box on the floor. "But mine is the only cock that's going to be fucking you, tonight. Now, tell me what you need."

Moaning, she nods and presses the vibrator back against her clit, closing her eyes and arching her back at the sensation. A large, warm hand on her lower stomach presses her hips back to the mattress and has her looking back to him. "I need you to fuck me. Fast. Hard. I just need you to make me feel nothing but you. Make me forget the bruises, and that I'll be sore, tomorrow. Make me forget that I have a job that could kill me. Just, make me forget about everything but you fucking me. I just need you to make me forget, just for a little bit."

Yanking the vibrator out of her hand, he leans over her and pins her hands over her head with one of his while he uses two fingers from the other one to quickly check that she's ready before guiding himself inside. A moment later, he's trying to pull away when she wraps her legs around his waist to stop him. "Fuck, Kate. Condom."

Shaking her head, she tightens her grip and bucks her hips up to bury him deeper. "I don't care. If my birth control fails, we can call it fate, or whatever. Right now, I just don't care. If you pull out, I WILL finish myself off with my dildo. Got it?"

For a long moment they just stare at each other in silence, then he pulls back just enough to slam his hips forward. Pulling out a little further, and putting more force behind each returning thrust, he smirks down at her. "We'll finish this talk, later. Don't think you're getting out of it that easily. And don't think I missed that you just admitted you wouldn't mind having my baby. Don't even think about denying it."

Harsh panting replaces words as they both tried to draw in enough air. When Castle hikes one of her legs over his shoulder, she starts chanting half-formed sounds that may be aborted attempts at his name, swearing, and begging. Just as his lungs start to burn and he has to fight to maintain control, he feels her start to tighten around him. Slowing his thrusts, he puts more force behind them and frees her hands so he can reach down and rub her clit. Her hands immediately start clawing at his back, trying to pull him closer, as her movements lose rhythm and she bites down on his shoulder to muffle her cries. Collapsing on top of her, he thrusts a few more times before burying his face in her neck with a groan as he shudders through his own orgasm.

It takes a couple moments for Kate to gather enough strength to push him off of her, and she winces when she lowers the leg that's been pinned at an angle. When she finally gets her breathing under control, she starts chuckling. The confused, and slightly wounded, look he gives her just makes her laugh harder and shake her head. "I wouldn't say no to that bath, now, but I don't think I can move."

Grinning, Castle pulls her a couple inches closer and kisses the side of her head. "I'd offer to help, but I need time to recover, first. Just as soon as I can feel my legs, I'll run you a bath and order food while you soak. Then, we will have that talk."

Scooting closer, she cuddles against his side and sighs in contentment. "The first part sounds wonderful, and I guess it's too much to hope for to expect you to agree to put that second part off for a few...months, isn't it? Can I at least assume you won't need any convincing, the next time this happens?"

Kissing the top of her head, he reluctantly rolls away and climbs out of bed. Running his eyes over her body, his satisfaction at her current state is marred by the obvious concern over the bruises darkening across her skin. "Yes, to both questions. Now, you have a few more minutes to recover while your bath runs. Bubbles and candles, right? Then I'll order food and join you while we wait. It seems I have a few sore muscles of my own that need soothing."

She watches him leave the room with a smile and sighs happily as she closes her eyes and thinks over what she accidentally admitted and the conversation that's to come.

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**Ok, as promised, the prompt was, "Castle uses the phrase 'make love.' Beckett just wants to fuck."**


End file.
